Is Homeschooling in My Future?

No.

No it is not.

So...three days ago, when I knew winter storm/polar vortex/southern blizzard "Leon" was coming, and I was certain school would be cancelled for a couple of days, I thought...hmmm, maybe I should pretend like I'm homeschooling the kids. Maybe I'll be good at it. Maybe it's in my future.

Day 1:
That was a long time ago. I can't remember what we did.

Day 2:
I think we had a crazy cross-eyed cat competition, since I have it recorded on my phone, but I don't remember much else.

Day 3: (Today)
It started like this for my kids,

and with me nestled behind the computer with a cup of coffee, checking emails, FB posts, and news sites. In the back of my mind I had big plans to get the girls going on some math worksheets, but then...I found the comments section on CNN discussing Atlanta's abysmal handling of..."only two inches of snow!"
                   

                     "Those southerners should come up to Jersey for a winter. Maybe if they put              their mobile phones down and stopped texting they could learn how to drive!" -Joe in Jersey

 

                     "It's not that we don't know how to drive in snow. It was all ICE. Two inches of ice and no one was prepared. You northerners would be worse off than us it you had to drive on ice." -Dixie in Atlanta

 

                    "It's the government's fault. The mayor and governor should be held accountable. I'm a transplant from Boston to Atlanta, and I've never seen ice like this!" -Redsox in Atlanta

 

                   "I live in Minnesota and my five year old could drive better in 2 inches of snow than the rest of you rednecks. Put your mobile phones down and stop posting pictures to facebook. Just drive. -George in Minnesota

 

Wait a minute...I have a sneaking suspicion Joe in Jersey and George in Minnesota are the same person. Who uses the phrase 'mobile phone?'. I better look into this. So I scroll through the postings, looking for more comments by Joe and George, because this seems extremely important to me.

 

Mari: Mommy can I have some breakfast now. I'm starving.

Me: Just a minute, baby, I'm doing something really important on the computer.

 

That's when I realized I'd been reading the comments section for over an hour, and I was still  no closer to discovering the true identity of Joe and George. So I nuked some pancakes in the microwave, slapped some butter on them, and tried to find the source of the rotten banana smell wafting through the kitchen.

 

Aha!! The backpacks - which I hadn't opened since they came home from school on Monday afternoon - still had their half eaten/half rotten lunches tucked away inside. You know what else was inside? Homework and books, so they could study for the 8 bazillion tests they have tomorrow.

 

I guess we'll get to the homework soon, but for now the girls are busy laying in my bed watching Netflix...and they look so comfy I just don't want to disturb them.

 

 

Oh yeah, and I promise, before I take them to school tomorrow I'll make sure they take a bath and brush their teeth!

 

 

Sort of, almost, not quite perfect

The other day a friend of mine commented about how well behaved my children are, how lucky I am to have such a great family, and how I must be such a patient mom. I considered telling her about all the crazy s*#t that goes at my house, just to prove how imperfect we are, but then - I don't know - it was kind of nice having someone think we're the perfect family. So I just thanked her with a oh we're not that perfect comment, and let it go. Except I couldn't let it go...not in my head. I know that I am blessed, fortunate, lucky - whatever you want to call it - to have two healthy and happy children, a wonderful husband, and the coolest dog in the world, and I am eternally grateful for the many pains in life that I have been spared. But...sometimes it just doesn't feel so perfect. Not that I would trade a second with my kids for anything, but I'd be lying if I said every moment was bliss.

It's 8:00am as I write this, and all of the following happened between 6:45am and dropping my kids off at school twenty minutes ago:

6:45am
Vidya: I want to take a bath this morning.
Me: There's no time for a bath. I woke you up too late. You can take one tonight instead.
Vidya: (High whiney voice) But you said I could take one in the morning. Why'd you wake me up late?
Me: It doesn't matter. There's nothing you can do about it now. Just get dressed and go brush your teeth. Do you want waffles for breakfast.
Vidya: I don't know. I'm not hungry yet.
Me: Well you can't wait for the last minute because I won't have time to make anything then.

7:15am
Mari: Mommy can I go outside?
Me: Sure, just make sure you don't go near the pool.

You see, last night Mari clumsily fell into the freezing pool, fully clothed in her school uniform and school shoes, which are still soaked and probably destroyed. So, I'm sure you can understand my frustration when I glance out the window and she is bending over the side of the pool to feel the temperature of the water.

Me: (In a raised voice, since I *cough* don't yell) What was the LAST thing I said to you before you went outside?
Mari: (With her hand still submerged in the water) Not to go near the pool.
Me: Then what are you doing?
Mari: Checking the temperature. It feels warm, Mommy. You should feel it.
Me: Get inside!

7:20am
Vidya: Mommy I can't find my shoes.
Me: Where did you take them off yesterday?
Vidya: By the shoe rack.
Me: Then look by the shoe rack.
Vidya: I did, but they're not there.
Me: I don't know. I can't keep track of everyone's shoes in the house. I have to finish making your lunches and get your backpacks packed. Just find them.
Vidya: But they're not anywhere. I've checked the whole house. Mari's are there. And they're dry already.
Me: Mari's shoes are still soaked in the laundry room.

*Lighbulb* Upon further inspection, it is Vidya's shoes - that Mari had been wearing when she fell into the pool - soaked and ruined in the laundry room.

Me: Mari, were you wearing Vidya's shoes yesterday when you fell into the pool?
Mari: Maybe. I just grabbed a pair from the shoe rack.
Vidya: Great! Now I have to wear soaking wet shoes to school, and everyone will think I fell in the pool.
Me: Let's not be so dramatic. Just find a different pair. We'll get you a new pair this weekend.
Vidya: Is Mari going to get a new pair of shoes?
Me: I'm not discussing this right now. Just find some shoes.
Mari: Why don't I get a new pair?
Me: Both of you just put on some shoes and stop talking!

7:30am
Me: It's 7:30 we have to leave.
Vidya: Where are my waffles?
Me: I didn't make any waffles. You never told me what you wanted.
Vidya: Can I please have some waffles?
Me: It's too late now. You're both just going to have to grab a granola bar.
Mari: I don't want a granola bar.
Me: Then don't eat anything. It's a granola bar or nothing. You decide.

7:40am
Pulling into the school parking lot.
Vidya: Mommy, you know what I can't wait for?
Me: What's that, baby?
Vidya: I can't wait until I have enough money to buy my own car so I can sneak out in the middle of the night.
Me: That's nice, sweetie. Love you! Have a great day!

My new nightmare!!